drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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