You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
