i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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