Small penises have feelings too.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
