I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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