he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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