don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Someone signed my nipple.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize