wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Quick, to the slutcave!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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