Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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