i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize