Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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