Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
