I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is it penis luge time yet?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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