sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
