Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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