The maid of honor just puked.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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