She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize