She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
