Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
my liver is dry heaving
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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