Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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