I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
