I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
