forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
