he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
