I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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