you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
