Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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