I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
