I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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