you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
