Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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