why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We talked him into tasing himself.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
