I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
