Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize