So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
