My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
