Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
