My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
