I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
