We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
