I want to stick my p in your. b.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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