you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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