he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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