I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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