his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
