I must be too annoying 4 u.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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