she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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