Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
