dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
