I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
