I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
