i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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