why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
