Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
