omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
