That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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