If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
