I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize