so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
