I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
