I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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