Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
