this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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