when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
