Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
