He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
