I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
