how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
